For six days I’ve been desperate to write. Yet here I am, finally, fingers on the keyboard, wondering what it was I was so compelled to say and highly doubtful that my intentions will outweight the fatigue that set in after a day of washing dishes/folding laundry/making breakfast, hauling kids to school, ducking into Wildberries for milk, driving in to KSLG, doing the radio thing, rushing to the Eye, working there, racing back to Manila for warmer clothing, motoring through “rush hour” traffic to the softball field for Chelsea’s game, stopping at the Co-op for groceries, coming home to cook dinner/fold laundry/wash dishes. Now I sit, wine at hand, staring at the screen.

Tomorrow morning, I need to get my papers in order for the annual Social Service supplication experience. Oh, please let me keep my MediCal! Paying for medical insurance would be more than I make at either job; we would go under so quickly as to make working immediately not profitable. The system is screwed up, but I cannot fix it now; I just need to make sure my people are safe. So it goes.

Kids: Nick’s day included some highs and lows. He’s physically out of sorts and emotionally exhausted. Poor guy. He rarely complains, but every so often says something about hoping for a diabetes cure – I’m reminded how deeply this hurts him, scares him. What if I’m not doing enough? He wants to do things; I try hard to take care of the details so that he can, but always, the diabetes questions – What if this? What if that? – come up, forcing us to a place where we have to say no to things we’d otherwise say yes to. Sleepovers? Camps? Skateboarding to school with friends? All are now complicated in a way I can’t easily fix.

But he did have a great day last Saturday. He hung out with the Santa Cruz pro skate team, who were in town for a Eureka Skate Park benefit. I need to post the story and photos on the Eye’s website, but for now I’ll sum up with: He was stoked. He was inspired. He was part of things. He’ll remember that day always. He learned new skate moves and acquired a confidence he lacked before.

Mmmmmm… I am too tired. I must try again in the morning.

On the radio stream: Buck Calhoun on KHSU playing a cover of New Order’s Blue Monday. Female vocalist. Extremely cool. Oh, some days I sure miss playing music for the love of it. Never on payday, though.